Women: Adolescence

This is the second part of the series Women. In this section I would like to discuss the early years of a girl’s life. Everyone has different experiences in their lives, some good, some ok and some… well let’s just say they mess you up. There are very few lucky girls who are gifted with parents who love and adore her, educate her and ultimately make all her dreams come true. That’s not the case for everyone though. There are some things which we might not remember or don’t want to remember because it hurts to do so. What I don’t understand is that even though everyone’s life is different some factors or incidents remain the same (which I am sure you will agree) but our parents or we as parents fail to protect the innocence of the child from these tragedies. Let’s see what these factors are and how they might affect us (again it’s my perspective; I am open to other opinions):

• Molestation: it is very common that children these days are molested irrespective of their gender. In every family there is going to be a perv uncle or aunt who thinks its ok to touch children inappropriately. Often these people can also be your friends or neighbors or just about anyone. In today’s era (very pathetic I might add) even parents can be the one playing the role of a molester. Parents are so busy trying to make ends meet these days that they forget the one person for whom they began to do it. In all this mess the child ends up lonely and lost and being inappropriately touched by random strangers or people they know. What parents fail to realize is that this is an event which cannot be undone. It’s impossible for the child to forget it or let go of it and these painful memories hurt them for however long they live (Not to mention the messed up life part). I know parents can’t protect their child all the time or look after them every second of the day but there are ways to make sure this tragedy doesn't happen by simple things like, not trusting every other person, educate your child and let them know what kind of touching is inappropriate so they can protest and inform you if any tried any such thing, if you child is too young make sure either parent is always with the child (if not possible leave them with a recognized play group where they monitor all activities with a camera), talk to your children and let them know they are safe with you and that they can talk about their feelings without being judged, and most importantly never blame the child for the things that might happen to them (very common in dumb people who think everything is their child’s fault). They are your responsibility and if you can’t handle that responsibility for fuck sake use protection and don’t make the mistake of having kids. It is very important that you educate you child regarding all these things and giving them a chance to protect themselves when you can’t. If the child is not even aware that they are being molested then how can you protect them? At times these freaks of nature get bold and can even attempt rape which is why it’s very important that you know what is going on in your child’s life and that your child knows what is right and what is wrong. 





• Addictions: it has become very common everywhere for young kids / teenagers to have various addictions. You name it… they are doing it all, irrespective or unaware of the consequences and not even realizing that a small mistake can cause them a life time of misery. Let’s see a few of these addictions:

1. Drugs: very common and very deadly. I do not understand the need to be high… I mean … what the hell.. Why would u want to be high (you’re not a fucking bird). What is the output, I simply cannot understand. Being a teenager what trouble are you going through that you don’t want to be in your senses, can someone please explain this to me???? What problem could a teenager possibly have, you like someone who doesn't like you/or someone you can’t have? (Find someone else, there are lots of fishes in the sea) your failing? (It wouldn't have happened if you fucking studied in the first place now would it?) You don’t have friends? ( sometimes it’s just better not to have them because these days all they do is stab you in the back, get you drugged like you already are getting and leave you at the mercy of strangers or simply use you). Everyone has problems but it doesn't mean that its ok for you to take drugs and assume that everything is going to be ok and trust me it’s not going to be ok unless you do something about it yourself. Drugs won’t take your pain away; it will just numb you so you won’t feel anything which isn't worth it.
2. Drinking and smoking: again I do not understand the need to drink or smoke. (Wake up people; it’s not going to fix anything). Have you ever heard anyone saying “I had a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of vodka and all my problems were literally gone”? Drinking and smoking only create more problems. It’s easier for people to drug you at a bar and take advantage of the situation while you are drunk (obviously because you are not in your senses and unable to protect yourself). I personally feel the need to be aware of my surroundings at all times. At times you might have to deal with ugly situations but there are good things that happen too so why won’t you want to be awake and aware of that situation and feel it, enjoy it and remember it. Most of the time people do shitty things when they are drunk and the worst part is they either don’t remember or just pretend not to as it was too bad in the first place. Then why drink, why put yourself in that position, why the need to hurt yourself and the people who love you and why give strangers or otherwise a chance to take advantage of your drunken state. I cannot pressurize on this point enough that people will take advantage of your drunken state and your will regret it. So isn’t it better not to drink?
3. Sex: it’s not just teenagers who are addicted to sex, it’s everyone. And it’s not a bad thing if you both are in love and truly care for each other. Then why did I count it as a problem …. It’s because people have started taking it for granted. Having sex when they are bored and have nothing else to do or just doing it for the sake of doing it. It has become meaningless and vulgar instead of being something beautiful. All I ask is that you wait till the right person comes along, it might be that everything is not perfect but at the very least you will not regret it and hate yourself for the rest of your life for doing it (personal experience… so trust me on this). It’s a famous saying here in India “the fruit of patience is the sweetest” ( not sure if I’m saying it right but it basically means that if you wait and are patient to eat the fruit it will taste sweeter) it can be hard but you need to try, that is the least you can do, right? I think I speak for all women when I say that sex for us is not just something we do and get over with, it’s an experience a feeling that we feel in our whole body and it’s magical. Then why waste it on any random person. Think of it as money, would you just give money to a random stranger and that too for their enjoyment while your left high and dry? Think about it, save it and spend wisely ;).

• Daddy issues or Mommy issues: in most female teens it’s very common to have daddy issues (it’s an issue to have a dad and also not to, men are such an issue) but very rarely there are teens with mommy issues too. This can majorly be understood from my first section of the series: Birth. In brief most fathers want sons, there are many reasons behind this want; leaving a legacy, family name, and less worry as compared to having a daughter. So they start harassing the female child by making them feel insufficient or less important in some cases by having to high expectations and putting too much pressure on them also by not caring enough or caring too much i.e. being over possessive (why do men always have to do that!). These issues affect the child’s life in many ways and at times require help from a therapist. If only parents would realize this before having kids life would be so much easier. Coming back to reality we can see that this is a huge problem and we can take care of it by have proper communication with children and not pressurizing or forcing them to do things. Parents need to realize that in today’s world it really doesn't matter if you have a boy or a girl, both are a handful! (Say no to having Kids :P). In a very similar way some moms can be particularly strict or insensitive to the needs of a female child irrespective of being a woman herself. At times like this always empathize with your child and think how you would have felt if your parents treated you that way. 

Recommendations:

• TV Show: Skins

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Women : The Birth

It has been a long time since I wrote a post. I can say I have been busy, but you already know that. Sometimes I didn’t know what to write about as I was so out of touch with things. But things are changing, and they are changing fast. Can’t say if they have gone from bad to worse or more like hell. But it did get me thinking about many things that are around us, many ways people think and how these affect us as women. To get further into the matter I have decided to start writing a series on woman which will discuss each stage of their life and how the changing world is affecting it. What I write is merely my observation and thinking, it can be debated against (which I am up for :P). These series will discuss women in general mostly but I will add additional points highlighting the women in the LBT (Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender) community.

I would choose to be girl every time

In the first post of the series I would like to discuss the birth of a woman (I know we aren’t born women… I just mean it in general sense). In India our beloved country (yes I am being sarcastic ;)) we have seen in the past few decades and before that, being born a girl is a crime (literally!!). Your parents don’t want you, because they were expecting a boy who would carry on the name of their family, your grandparents (paternal… obviously) hate you and blame your mom for giving birth to a girl and blah blah blah, you’re not allowed to have dreams and ambitions coz girls are born just to get married become a maid (slave) and have more babies (Can you believe this shit!) and finally you grow up to be a disappointment to your family (specially our father’s …most of the time). A lot of all I just said has changed but the basic mentality still remains the same and from time to time we are forced to realize it.

Let’s see each point one at a time and compare it to today: 

I am born SMART!

·         Parents want a boy – still true in most small towns and even big cities. I do not understand this concept. How the hell does a boy carry on the family name? If you just mean the surname… then ya I guess it a little accurate (Married girls have a choice to keep their family name too if they want so again this point can become invalid), but otherwise there is nothing that would carry on the family name. If you’re thinking family genes… then I better remind you that a daughter carries the same family gene as the boy. Basically a pure breed would be possible only if brothers and sisters started getting married and having kids (Grosssss….ewww ewww) otherwise in a “normal marriage” (being sarcastic again :P) two people from different families (here family means father mother and kids… no uncles and aunts) get married, so now we have 2 different gene pools getting mixed (don’t have any graphic images in mind….. dirty people!) then there is no question of family genes… right? So I conclude that boys really don’t carry on the family name not even in the bro-sis wedding scenario as the girl is doing the same thing. They don’t just want a boy; they make it their goal to have one. They keep trying until they have a baby who is not a girl. During this process they either end up have many girls for whom they don’t care or forcing their wives to have abortions. (It’s the 21^st century people, haven’t you heard of contraception! And why the hell is to so necessary to have kids anyways, no one need more people like you on this earth!)

·         Grandparents hate granddaughters – I have no idea why this is, mostly coz of the first point I guess or the points that might be discussed below. I do not understand why women are so bitchy to each other. Your grandmother is a woman herself but she looks down on you coz you are a girls… that’s just lame. Why do women have to hate each other so much? Look at men; they are united all the time for even silly things. Women always fight within themselves giving men the upper hand. Using this point men have controlled women’s mind right from the start. It just doesn’t make sense. Why are they so insecure, so jealous, and so stupid all the time? I will agree women in love make mistakes… they are allowed to, but what about the rest of us? I see this behavior even in kids. I mean.. they are just born, they haven’t even seen the world yet but they still fight among themselves, over toys or parents love or some other shit like that. The proverb “United we stand divided we fall” is pretty true, if we could just keep our differences aside and be united in front of the world, no one can bring any harm to us. In the grandmother situation, if only they stood up for their granddaughters, they would break this long chain of demoralizing act of looking down at a child just coz she’s a girl. At the same time I do not understand what their real problem is with their daughter in laws. They always seem to be trying to figure out new ways to hurt them. WTF, you have a daughter yourself, how would you feel if someone treated your daughter that way? Isn’t the answer pretty obvious? Then why so much hatred for the women who is taking care of your son and having your grand kids and being your slave. If it’s the worry that you might lose your son, then I’ve got a news flash for you ladies, why the fuck do you care, you have a husband think about him, not about your son, what kind of a sick relationship is this anyway. Why do you want you sons to love you more than they love their wives? Aren’t you getting enough love from your husband? Would you have liked it if your mother in law had done the same to you? I mean… how dumb do you have to be to not understand this. Anyways, moving on.    

·         In the past few years things have changed as far as education is concerned. Women have thrived in many fields which were earlier restricted to men. But still in small towns and in random places we see cases where things aren’t changing fast enough. Girls aren’t allowed to study enough for various idiotic reasons which I am ashamed to state as follows:

o   Why do girls have to study? Ultimately they need to be house maid to some douche bag and have his disgusting kids.

o   If girls study too much it gets in their head. (basically they mean we get a brain and we can see the injustice being done to us)

o   I don’t want a wife who is more educated than me. (egotistic assholes.. go and study more yourself, dummy)

o   Why do girls want to study, they don’t have to do a job coz we take care of them. (this basically means they are scared shitless coz they know their wives are capable enough to go out and earn more than them)

It's Time we realize!

It’s a pity, men know how strong and talented women are so they use mind games and cheap tactics to make sure women don’t realize their own potential. But I plead to all you women out there, wake up, open your eyes, and see what you are really capable of doing. Don’t let your fathers, grandfathers, husbands and sons hold you back. Be the women you always wanted to be. This might not be easy and you might have to sacrifice relationships, but was that relationship of any meaning if they don’t want you to achieve your dreams and be happy. Don’t give up on your hopes and dreams and one day you might find someone who shares the same dreams with you (hopefully a girl :p)

·         Lastly, why girls are a disappointment: this is a weird concept, hard to digest but here it goes. Imagine this scenario, you are born an ambitious girl, full of hope and dreams and unfortunately you have a brother too. Now you cannot expect your parents to treat you both equally (typical) coz according to them he is more superior just coz he has sperm (I mean hello!! Time to wake up people). Let’s see how parents can get partial and to what extent this might not be true for everyone, but it is for the most of us.

o   You will most probably get all girly toys and if you wish to play with monster truck or something macho – Disappointment. (Parents expect you to stick to the stereotype that all girls should play with dolls and shit like that coz they do not realize that some girls might like stuff which is not a proper definition of “girly” even if they aren’t gay. But who gets to decide the gender for toys? Any clues…?)

o   If you want to wear jeans and skirts – disappointment. This might have changed for a lot of people but even when you allowed wearing such clothes there are restrictions. At times it is disappointing coz girls don’t know how to carry themselves when wearing small clothes. It can look good if you carry the dress properly but very slutty if not, very thin line between the two. I think we should have the freedom to choose what we want to wear but at the same time I urge that we should be careful as to what we choose. Your outfit can define you in many ways and I personally wouldn’t want to be defined a slut, would you? Coming back to the point, parents might feel disappointed if the society does not agree to the way you dress (as if society is god!).

o   You grow up wanting to be a pilot or a construction worker (something which is generally assumed that only men are supposed to do) – disappointment. Coz it’s their assumption that you are doing or want to do something which only men do and is not acceptable by society (Ya… again society, interfering in our lives as if they own our asses. Your gonna learn that you can’t do a lot of shit just coz society doesn’t accept it, I just wanna know one thing- who the fuck is society). Somehow you might get the opportunity to fulfill your dream, if your lucky enough or your parents love you more than society (whoever the fuck that is).

o   If you don’t want to get married early and follow your dreams – huge disappointment. According to our parents and society (I’m starting to piss off now on this stupid society) the ultimate goal of a women’s life is to get married and have kids. Women do wish to have families but I don’t think it’s their ultimate goal. It’s not just a belief these people carry, its madness. They start putting or forcing this idea in the child’s mind that no matter what they do, they have to marry and have kids or their life is incomplete (are u serious people!!). I will agree that everyone wants someone in their life to share their happiness and sorrow but it cannot be the only thing they want. Some people who already have might still feel the emptiness as their true desire hasn’t been fulfilled.

o   All the above things- if your brother wants to do, he’s the hero. Some might not apply but still, you get the point.

·         People are changing and so is the world, but some things still remain the same. Like religion, it might be the same but they have started branching out. (As if we don’t have enough religions to choose from). One insane thing I’ve noticed, almost all religions hate women. No idea why but they do. Otherwise why would they have such insanely stupid rules that restrict women to do things which men are freely allowed to do? Rules that discriminate women for no reason. And as if that wasn’t enough, society is back in the picture, not sure why it exists, to make our life easier or more miserable. If you notice really carefully in most religions you will find that women are suppressed and not allowed to do anything they want to do instead are forced to do things they don’t want. Can’t we see that men have and are still using every trick in the book to control women by any means necessary? And the cherry on top is religion, if you wanna get away with something just use the name of religion and force people to believe and do it. Forget everything else, just think about it this way; if a religion is asking you to do something don’t you want to know the reason behind it and not a bullshit reason, a reason that is logically or scientifically accurate. I know I would. Should we blindly believe any religion or anyone who perches us? I say we have a universal religion based on equality, based on facts which differentiate the wrong and right in a way agreeable by all. If we all desire equality and rights we need to unite and put our minds towards achieving our goals. We can sit at home and wait for the world to change or go out there and change it ourselves.

We are United

I hope you enjoyed reading and also hope that my point of view did not offend anyone. We as women need to know what wrong is being done to us and how we are being manipulated by the people we so love and adore no matter how they feel. I just want to raise questions the answers to which might change the way you see things.

Will be back soon with the next post in the series, till then

L

ong

ive

esbians            

and women too irrespective of their sexuality :P.

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• The Help
• The Color Purple